Many of us see a fight with our significant other as a sign that we are just not clicking and may need to work on our relationship. Could it be, however, that frequent arguments signify just the opposite? When I think of the couples I know who often voice their disagreement with one another, they all seem to have one thing in common. They have been in love for a long, long, time.
We often steer clear of fights, fearing that they might damage our connection to our partner. However, in a long-term relationship, fighting is not only unavoidable, but entirely necessary. An inclination to argue with your partner may in fact be a clear sign that your connection is healthy and stable.
Deciding to voice a disagreement with your significant other shows dedication to your relationship and hope for its future. You are choosing to have an uncomfortable conversation in the hope that your future interactions will be more peaceful and happy as a result. Your fight is an investment of sorts – you are giving up peace in the current moment in order to prevent your sense of dissatisfaction from becoming a long-simmering resentment that could ultimately end your relationship. This shows maturity and long-term thinking.
Frequent fights also show security in your connection to your partner. A person who is fearful of a relationship’s impending end will be more likely to shy away from confrontation. However, a partner who knows they are loved either way will not hesitate to address areas of the relationship that they find to be problematic. Similarly, if your significant other feels that your connection is on shaky ground, they might not bother to fight at all. Why invest in some short-term unpleasantness if there is no long-term bliss to work towards? If your partner does not see a future with you, she will have no reason to fight for it.
Couples who argue are also being honest with one another. No matter how strong your connection is, there is almost no chance that you and your significant other agree on every issue known to man. Any couple who thinks this is the case is likely not communicating with honesty and openness – and they are missing out. Having a disagreement with your partner opens your mind to new ideas. It also can strengthen your connection and build a sense of respect for one another’s individual identities. Defending your own viewpoint can give you more confidence in your capacity to be a strong individual and help you continue to form your own identity outside of your relationship.
Fighting with your significant other can be very healthy, as long as you choose to fight fair. Frequent arguments can strengthen your bond, help you to better understand yourself and your relationship, and signify a stable and secure connection. Don’t be afraid to stand up for your own beliefs and disagree with your partner – you both might be glad you did.